Learning to set boundaries relies heavily on your willingness to assess your environment and focus on behaviors you are reacting to–behaviors you are tolerating. The only way to effectively set boundaries is to establish a clear understanding of what you are tolerating. So, what are some telltale signs that you are tolerating a behavior? First, if it makes you upset, then the odds are that something is off and you are tolerating the behavior. Second, if you find yourself blaming people and listing how they are not meeting the mark, that is also a great sign of toleration.
Keep in mind–you cannot change other people or how they behave. But what you can do is create a boundary for the unwanted–the tolerated–behavior. They must know that if they choose to continue with a behavior, then you will choose to respond a certain way. For example, if they choose to bring uninvited guests without your knowledge or asking you, then you will leave. This way, the expectations are clear, everyone is free to make personal choices, and you gain confidence by knowing that you no longer ignore and tolerate unwanted behavior. Once you are clear about what you are tolerating, you can establish a boundary to address the problem.
Fear and Courage
Confidence can create the illusion of freedom from fear, but that is absolutely not true. Being confident means you feel the fear, and you muster up the courage to do it anyway. This is a skill that becomes easier with experience and time. As you become older, you have a large number of things that have accumulated in the bucket of things that have gone wrong. As this bucket fills, you gain confidence that you can overcome problems because you have triumphed over disappointments and trials multiple times. When problems come your way, you learn to dust off, get back on the course, and move on.
Confidence does not come from you being afraid you will make a mistake. Confidence comes when you recognize that you have a contribution to make, and it will take more than a bump in the road or disappointment to take you off of the path to your vision. Feel the fear–but do it anyway!
Courage and Confidence
Courage creates confidence. If you think you are on the right track, keep moving forward. If you are a little afraid, hesitation is no reason to stop–push through and go for it. You must learn to ask yourself risk-assessment questions and be honest with yourself. What is the worst-case scenario? Someone might say no…or, someone might say yes to the outrageous, wonderful, great idea that you have! You may get the promotion; you might land the client; you might get more money; you might actually build your dream business. You will never know if you don’t step out and try, and that is why you are here. That is where everything is leading you.
At the Growth Architect, we want to help you break through with tools and techniques to make your vision happen. My job as a strategist is to help you understand how your mindset, growth, and business strategies work together. That’s what I do! If you want to hear more about making bold moves toward facing fear, setting boundaries, and building confidence, then watch my video–then let’s grow!
Beate Chelette is The Growth Architect & Founder of The Women’s Code, a training company specialized in providing companies an ROI on Balanced Leadership. She has been named one of 50 must-follow women entrepreneurs by the Huffington Post. A first-generation immigrant who found herself $135,000 in debt as a single parent, she bootstrapped her passion for photography into a highly successful global business and eventually sold it to Bill Gates in a multimillion-dollar deal.
Beate works with business leaders and supports organizations by developing and providing training the training, tools, and expertise to create and maintain a balanced, equal, and inclusive work environment that fosters creativity, employee engagement, and corporate growth.
Recent clients include Merck, Women’s Legislative Caucus of California, Cal State University Dominguez Hills, Small Business Development Centers (SBDC), NFTE, CreativeLive, the Association of Corporate Growth, and TracyLocke.
Beate is the author of the #1 International Amazon Bestseller “Happy Woman Happy World – How to Go From Overwhelmed to Awesome” a book that corporate trainer and best-selling author Brian Tracy calls “a handbook for every woman who wants health, success and a fulfilling career.
To book Beate to speak or train please connect here. Your Time Is Valuable!