If you have ever had to deal with someone who lives with a victim mentality, you know how difficult it can be to deal with their view of the world around them. One perplexing problem with the victim mindset is that it’s much easier to notice in other people and much harder to see in ourselves. Sometimes, taking the time to evaluate the way we view our circumstances may reveal that we are harboring some of the toxic characteristics of the victim mindset. One of the tell-tale signs is when you discover yourself finding fault in others yet never seeing it yourself. At this point, it is time to pause and realize that you have begun functioning in a victim mentality–and it’s time to make changes.


Recognize Your Choices

One of the most potent antidotes for living in victimhood is developing self-awareness and a spirit of responsibility–learning to take full responsibility for the things in your life. Stop making excuses. As an adult, it is essential to realize that everything around you is a product of choices that you have made. Does that mean that there are no other factors that have influenced outcomes–no, but it means that you had a choice in the matter as well. No one forced you into your job; no one chose your partner; no one made you have children–regardless of the situation, these are all products of choices you have made. This can be an incredibly liberating thought for many, while for others, it can cause an angry, defensive response. You are not responsible for how other people act or the choices they have made–but you are entirely responsible for the choices that put you where you are. It is impossible to move forward from a victim mentality if you refuse to own your decision-making.


Stop the Blame–Begin the Change

Unfortunately, difficult situations are part of life. These challenges actually create growth opportunities, and sometimes you have to remind yourself that you only know enough to get to a certain point, and when you want to do more–become more–you have to make a shift. Suppose you want to grow and go further than the wall you seem to hit continually. In that case, it requires you to evaluate your current situation, be consciously aware of the decision-making on your part, and then find areas to change. In order to get to the place you want to be, something has to change. And if you are blaming anyone else for your current situation, then you have to shift from that victim mentality to reach past where you currently are; the only way to get there is change.

Change is a non-negotiable requirement for you to get to a different point in the future. This requires you to stop looking for the problem and begin searching for the opportunities presented as gifts from the challenges you face. Stop thinking, “poor me, there must be some conspiracy against me,” and start seeing the problems as a chance to grow and look for the reasons you need these lessons–how could this problem be shaping and preparing me for the future?


Change Your Perceptions

When you come to a place where you can shift your circumstances from blame to personal responsibility, then you will be on your way to overcoming the trap of the victim mentality. I encourage you to take an honest look at your mindset and make the necessary shifts in perception to move forward. No matter your goals, if others are finding ways to accomplish them–losing weight, making more money, signing more clients–then it means it is possible. If it is possible for them, then it is just as possible for it to occur in your life. So, what are you doing to reach your ultimate goals? If you are not where you want to be, you have two options–make excuses and blame others, or take responsibility and make changes. You can view the world as an unfriendly place with people out to get you, or you can choose to see it as a great place to be where the sky’s the limit. The perception you choose to embrace will shape your reality–choose wisely.

At the Growth Architect, we want to help you break through the victim mindset that is keeping you defeated and provide you with the strategies and tools to shift you into a positive mindset that puts you back in control of your outcomes. That’s what we do! If you enjoyed this article, watch my video How To Overcome Victim Mentality–let’s grow!



Beate Chelette is The Growth Architect & Founder of The Women’s Code, a training company specialized in providing companies an ROI on Balanced Leadership. She has been named one of 50 must-follow women entrepreneurs by the Huffington Post. A first-generation immigrant who found herself $135,000 in debt as a single parent, she bootstrapped her passion for photography into a highly successful global business and eventually sold it to Bill Gates in a multimillion-dollar deal.

Beate works with business leaders and supports organizations by developing and providing training the training, tools, and expertise to create and maintain a balanced, equal, and inclusive work environment that fosters creativity, employee engagement, and corporate growth.

Recent clients include Merck, Women’s Legislative Caucus of California, Cal State University Dominguez Hills, Small Business Development Centers (SBDC), NFTE, CreativeLive, the Association of Corporate Growth, and TracyLocke.

Beate is the author of the #1 International Amazon Bestseller “Happy Woman Happy World – How to Go From Overwhelmed to Awesome” a book that corporate trainer and best-selling author Brian Tracy calls “a handbook for every woman who wants health, success and a fulfilling career.

To book Beate to speak or train please connect here. Your Time Is Valuable!

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