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Every day now it’s something else. Bad boys are behaving badly and just when we think we’ve seen the worse, their volatile behaviors give us more of the same. Is it just me or does it feel as though the base level of acceptable behavior in our society just fell through the floor? Before Trump showed up the crazies seemed somewhat under control. But now that Trump is letting fly with his opinions, the crazies are crawling out of the woodwork. Anyone who hates women, Blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, or any other group of human beings now feels a free pass to say whatever they want—without fear of consequence.

A YouTube that circulated on Facebook about the Free Hugs experiment shows a young black gentleman giving out free hugs. The video is clearly designed to endorse another candidate but while giving out free hugs during a Trump rally one woman shouts at the young man “white is better,” and a man says “I don’t want to buy drugs” and yet another says “if you are not pro Trump I will punch you.”

I cringe. Is this the country I live in, how did we get here?

Enough of this nonsense! We need to return to a civilized society QUICKLY before any more damage is done!

Perhaps you are a parent, like I am. Remember when your kids were little and they didn’t get their way? I bet sometimes they would throw themselves on the ground in an ear-piercing, nerve-wracking temper tantrum. I saw an example recently when a fellow passenger on the whale watching tour last week attempted to calm her passionate two-year-old who was not happy until she fell asleep, much to the relief of all other passengers.

We have to teach our children why screaming is not part of a constructive discussion, make them understand that people have feelings, and instill with loving patience the values that serve as positive guidelines throughout their lives.

When our kids did something wrong, they eventually apologized and we put it behind us. As we got older we figured out “I’m sorry” often doesn’t cut it. Once the hurtful words left our lips they couldn’t be taken back. It didn’t matter if we were sorry because we got fired for it, or the boss called us out on it, or because we ruined a relationship that meant something to us and there was no getting back to the way it was before. The damage was done.

When “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it, it’s time to grow up.

After a few of these painful experiences we eventually learn the lesson. With some reluctance, we acknowledge there are rules in a society which act like drops of oil; rules help things run more smoothly. We know we aren’t children anymore, and we come to understand a fulfilling life includes others as friends, partners, co-workers, and alliances.

Some of us become interested in leadership along the way. Leaders are the ones who assume responsibility and we expect them to demonstrate the values we learned as kids.

In The Women’s Code a true leader carefully evaluates everything he says to ensure it is not offensive, derogatory, or belittling. He or she brings people together, bridges differences, and finds ways to make life and work more enjoyable for many. We are each right in our own ways, so let’s figure out how to utilize everyone’s strengths.

The abusive leader spews boisterous claims that can seem like great ideas, at first. His goal is to assume as much power he can as quickly as possible. He doesn’t mind dead bodies, being offensive, hurting or belittling others. Scorched earth is his name of the game. It’s their own fault. An abusive leader finds fault with everyone else. She made me do it. Sadly, every abused woman has heard that a thousand times. And because the abusive leader has little substance, he has to compensate with a louder voice, bigger claims, and more fantastic stories. He is right, they are wrong, all of the time.

This is the difference between abusive leadership and true leadership. An abusive leader wants to assume power so he can tell other people that his way is the best and ONLY way. He will stop at nothing to force his opinion upon others. Really, these leaders are dictators.

The true leader knows there is no greater value than building meaningful relationships. At the end of the day, all that really matters is how we made other people feel.

Let’s remember these differences as we participate in the Presidential election. Which side do you stand on and what is your leadership style?

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