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Yes and No Buttons

My friend, Alice Marie, declared the other day that pressing ‘No’ buttons is a good thing. The more I thought about this concept, the more I realized how applicable it is to many aspects of our lives.

Alice Marie and I had been talking about my dating experiences. I shared with her that, while I thoroughly enjoy the process of meeting men, most of them are just not right for me. Some of my dates are fabulous, many are okay, and some are not much fun. I ended a five-year relationship nine months ago and I am ready to look for love again. Better yet, I am ready for love to find me. I expect many of us wish our Prince Charming will magically show up when we are getting our coffee at Starbucks, or standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. You know the story…it starts with one knowing glance between us and the rest is history. It happens in movies all the time! Back in reality, love is rarely found this way. Unless we want to leave this important part of our happiness entirely up to fate, we have to take steps to increase the chances of meeting the right partner.

Personally, I use online dating sites. What I like about them is that I can vet prospects. Some are too old, some too young, some too forceful, some too blah, and some feel just right because they meet my criteria or stir up a feeling. It is very important to me that my date can express himself adequately through his profile and messages so I can get a sense of his personality shining through. That is one of my criteria and I won’t consider going on a live date if he doesn’t meet it. If you are considering online dating or currently enrolled on a site, here are some safety tips that will help you make it a positive experience.

We can press the No button for anyone who doesn’t fit our criteria. And the more times we press No, the closer we get to saying Yes. Here’s how it works:

In The Women’s Code, we use a Want-It-All list. It is available for free to anyone who reads Happy Woman Happy World and I also include a few tips that will increase your chances of getting what you want. By specifically identifying what you are looking for, it is easier to say No to anything that doesn’t make your list.

Many women make the mistake of only outlining in broad strokes what they want. I want you to be specific. Instead of adding, “I want a nice man who treats me with respect” I want you to think about that statement in much greater detail. What do “nice” and “respect” mean to you? Try to outline what you want in specifics. What does he look like? How tall is he? What are the must-have qualities that are important to you?

It is so much easier to press Yes and No buttons once you have identified your desires and the specific attributes you are seeking in your partner. The first Pillar in The Women’s Code is Awareness. Every time you have a choice to make, use your Awareness to ask yourself: Does this fit? Is this aligned with what I want?

Admittedly, it can be discouraging when it seems promising that someone or something has met our criteria, only to be revealed as a ‘No’ again. But, we can’t give up—we deserve happiness. If you’re having trouble deciding if you should say farewell to a partner, you can read my advice here about making that choice. It applies to both personal and professional situations.

I believe firmly what is ours will be ours to have. Timing plays a crucial role and we have to trust the path that will lead us there. Every time we press the No button we send a clear message that this is not what we want. By making that choice, we leave room for something better to come. We keep doing this until it’s the right time to press the Yes button!

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