Listen to this podcast as Beate shares her story from Disaster Survivor To Making Millions
One would think that in a magical time like this US election where a women finally has a chance to elect a fellow woman—and the first female president, at that—we would jump at the opportunity. Yet, it isn’t so. As Hillary Clinton struggles with enlisting the support of other women and playing the woman card, we are mystified and baffled as to why it’s so hard.
As the creator of The Women’s Code, I have written a book, spoke at numerous events, and write regularly about the phenomenon of women not supporting other women. Unfortunately, not much has changed since Phyllis Chesler wrote her groundbreaking book Woman’s Inhumanity Against Woman and words like She-Tyrant and Queen Bee exposed the incredible cruelty of which women are capable.
Do women dislike other successful women?
Research papers from organizations like Catalyst, AAUW, and Working Mother all tell the same story. The hard numbers show the air is thin at the top. Five percent of Fortune 500 CEO’s are women, and between 20-25% of executive positions are filled by women. In my talks I always share a graph that shows how women and men enter the job world at approximately a 50-50% rate. But women must get “dumber” as we move up the ladder because the numbers drop dramatically the higher you look.
A new study shows that women who code actually code better than men. That is, as long as nobody knows they are women. Because when that morsel of detail is known, the quality of the coding done by women suddenly and inexplicably drops by 62.5%! That is INSANITY.
Worst of all, numbers across the board show the advancement of woman at work is already on a downslide once again. The decline slight so far, but without the support and buy-in from younger women, the cause our foremothers risked their everything to achieve could be jeopardized.
Why are young women not supporting the rise of women?
Here are my thoughts. First of all, they were raised by mothers like me. We reared our boys and girls in the same ways, which means our daughters learned from infancy that they are equal to their brothers. Our daughters don’t see the issues the same as we do. For them, of course women work, of course women make money, of course women speak their minds and express their opinions openly.
So then, what’s the problem?
The problem is these young women are swimming along in an adaptation of the men’s code—the one that says you must be in your masculine to succeed, that you don’t need other women to do it, and that other women are just competition in the way and must be mowed down.
Think about it. Even though the issue of bullying has been in the spotlight for the past few years, isn’t there another video every week of the bullying women do to each other? The consequences are often disastrous and forge a lifelong distrust of other women. We know this, yet we STILL behave that way! How is that possible?
Women are unbelievably hard on each other. Passive aggressiveness starts with girls at the age of 9. Throughout our teenage years and often into our 40’s, we strip each other of the right to speak our opinions, we critique outfits, looks, weight, size, color, and some of us even going so far as to wish death to another woman via Snapchat as to not leave a trace. Nobody wants you, why don’t you just die?
So this is how we grow through our formative years and young adulthood. We believe other women are out to get us, chasing our men, and sabotaging our opportunities to advance. The b*tch who got famous took our chance at making it.
Sure, there are plenty of examples of how women who manage to have a close circle of friends throughout their lives. I salute you and hope you will support your sister Hillary Clinton in changing the path for women with something to say forever. A woman can be president.
But many of you will roll your eyes at me now. Well Beate, I just don’t AGREE with her, I don’t LIKE her, there is SOMETHING about her… What about Benghazi, her emails, the Clinton foundation…?
Listen, this is politics. Show me the politician who has never sent a message from a personal email account. I dare say that every presidential candidate has flip-flopped on an issue, withdrawn support, made contradicting statements, or flat out lied. So why does Hillary get shafted for it more than the others?
Women today still live with a set of double standards along with a deeply-embedded scarcity mentality that is carefully fed by media and, well, by many men. Being in power is great. It’s wonderful to have buddies to call on when you need a favor because they owe you from the favor you did for them. Why would men in power want to see women rise and ruin the system?
Nobody likes change.
Instead, we are entertained by videos of catfights. By reality shows that demonstrate a complete lack of empathy for other woman. By magazines that gloat over things like country star Blake Sheldon’s new skinny, sexy woman (his previous partner struggled with her weight). And how many headlines still declared a full 10 years after their break up that Jennifer Aniston wants Brad Pitt back? They sell products and keep us occupied. It’s “just” entertainment, but it contributes to our societal reality.
And sadly, it keeps us women in our place. So we take our frustrations and the fights to other women. It must be her fault because it certainly isn’t mine. It’s what keeps us spinning in circles and not really moving ahead. We turn our backs on giving credit to the women who made all of it possible for us.
It is easy to point out the flaws of another woman. Go ahead. My jeans size just went up a number, I am definitely feeling the effects of menopause, suddenly there is cellulite on my legs, and do you see how much deeper the lines on my face are getting?
But we NEED each other. We need all of us, especially those amongst us who already fought the battles.
Every generation rebels against their mothers. Perhaps this is where we are at.
For me, it is very clear. I worry about what went on with the Clinton Foundation. I worry about what emails could have been compromised, and I acknowledge Hillary Clinton has made mistakes.
And then I think about myself. I have changed my mind about issues and took a different position. And I definitely made quite a few mistakes.
What about you? The one without a fault throw the first stone.
Me and my family were discussing this very topic the other day. This year I’ll be voting for Hillary. I don’t fully agree with all of Hillary Clinton’s policies either. It is a new direction for women and our country. All women owe it to themselves to vote for her.
I agree with you. It is also not necessary and probably not possible to agree with someone on all issues. There is something much bigger at play.
I will not Vote for Hillary. I did and will continue to give Bernie Sanders my vote. Hillary is dishonest, takes money from WallStreet, Supports GMO’s. I have never been able to identify with her.
Do I want to see more women in office? Yes, absolutely. I’m proud of the fact that both my state’s senators are women, and if I had been just a little bit older I would have been proud to vote for Shirley Chisholm for president in 1972 – not only because she was a woman or because she was African American, but because she told the truth and I agreed with pretty much everything she said. She was one of my heroes.
I appreciate Hillary’s many excellent qualities, and how hard she works, but she essentially represents the center-right, she’s beholden to Wall Street (she has “Goldman handcuffs,” in a nickname bestowed upon her by Wall Street execs), and she’s a hawk when it comes to issues of war and peace. She’s campaigning to the left now, but she never has been a progressive, and to represent herself as one now is less than honest.
I don’t support Hillary, for these reasons — NOT because she’s a woman. That’s why I support Bernie Sanders — who may not be a woman, but is most definitely a feminist.
And thank you for letting me share my views!
Whether I vote for Hillary Clinton has nothing to do with her being a woman or not being a woman. If I vote for Hillary it will be because I think she is the best PERSON for the job. Yes, she has issues. Who doesn’t? Everyone running has things they have done wrong. I’m more concerned with the Republicans who think women should still be living like they did in the 50s, because of how I think they see religions other than their own, and how I perceive they have been (not) running the government properly. Nothing to do with their being men. I am 60 years old, so I grew up in an age of gender inequality and was lucky enough to have parents who believed everyone could do what they want whether a man or a woman. That included teaching my brothers and me to use tools and to knit! We need the best PERSON to be president.
I will support the presidential candidate who most closely shares my views and beliefs, regardless of their gender. Richard Nixon was impeached over the Watergate scandal, surely justice would hand a similar outcome to Hillary. Issues of integrity and national security amount to much more than minor lapses of judgement or mistakes as you imply.
Where’s all your support for Carly Fiorina, who is far more accomplished than HilLIARry? Her time as Sec’y of state was disasterour. Her forray into health care while 1st lady was a failure. She claims to support women, but tried to destroy those raped by her husband. Come on women, you can pick a better representatative for your gender. You’ll know you’ve become emancipated when you don’t feel obligated to vote for someone because she’s a woman, but be ause she’s tge most qualified. Look at Condoleza Rice or Nicky Haley or Jan Brewer for example. You don’t need to settle for a crook.
I tend to agree with Dave, except that I don’t think Carly Fiorina’s record is stellar.
Hillary is my generation. While so many of us were fighting to get a fair chance in the world outside the kitchen, Hillary was riding her husband’s coat tails, enjoying benefits and attention she never would have earned on her own. No matter what he did to her, she held on, lest some other woman get the goodies.
Wife of the VIP isn’t a credential. She jerked New York around after we gave her the job of Senator, for which she was not qualified. She tried unsuccessfully to take over Ted Kennedy’s long-time health care reform effort. What she accomplished as Sec’y of State, besides flying around the world at public expense making who knows what promises to garner foreign support for her second try at the presidency. (I, for one, am not impressed with the TV program in which a blonde Secretary of State seems to be running the country.)
Through it all, with all the press attention she’s gotten, we’ve never heard that she has a female friend – or any friend, for that matter. We’re not aware that she’s ever put herself out to assist another woman with the kind of support she wants for herself.
I don’t like women who don’t like women. It’s not hard to understand why the younger women, who understand friendship better than we did and are far more social than we ever were, don’t relate to an old lady who’s never done a thing for anybody else. If her own parents and brother are absent from her campaign, I think that says something, too.
A person who doesn’t know how to make the kind of human connections that result friendships is a bad choice for the job of President.
My major criterion for the person who gets the office of President is “good enough.” I don’t see that she’s good enough in character or in management experience/sensibility or basic human social skills for the most important office in the world other than Pope. “Gimme” isn’t a compelling reason to vote for her, but that seems to be all she’s got.
And yet… much of what you write is an assumption that so often we women bestow on another woman. We don’t know her story other than the story we make up for her that fits our picture. We do not know what the reasons were she put up with a cheating husband. We do not know what her family did or didn’t do. As a woman who has a very difficult mother you won’t find my mother by my side ever. And probably not my brother either for reasons that I don’t even understand.
It is not wise to judge each other so harshly. Especially when our information is flawed. Instead let’s look at the facts. At what she accomplished, and that is in anyone’s eyes more than any other candidate out there.
First off, I was over the Clintons when they left the White House. Hilary’s answer when asked if she wiped the server clean, “what with a cloth?” Please, the woman has a law degree, was First Lady for 8 years, a NY senator and Secretary of State. My mother is computer illiterate and she even knows what wiping a server clean means. Tell me what card is Hillary playing? I vote for the person not the party or gender. At age 50 I can say my girl code is up to par. I won’t sell out my ethical or moral views to prove it by voting for a person because of gender. I know who I am, that’s the best example I can set for my 3 daughters.
Appreciate your wise views Beate. Proud to be voting for the Former Secretary. I vote for the person not the party. She is a “Tour de Force”. As you said: “it is not necessary or possible to agree with someone on all issues”. I do not agree with all her policies, but circumstances will change and am sure she will adjust accordingly for the benefit of the majority and may the Best be the winner.