You’ve asked yourself this question at least a few times in your life. It’s ok, we all have. Maybe you got a speeding ticket, you said something unkind to a friend, or perhaps you promised to go to an event and flaked last minute only to find out it was the best party ever. The negative voice inside starts to chirp and wonders why did you do that? How do we break the superhuman paradox that compels us to need a perfect 10/10 in everything we do?
When the self-berating begins, the voice inside volunteers a few additional comments that make you feel even worse. They can sound like this:
I am an idiot. I didn’t need to do that. I am such a jerk. Why didn’t I do my homework? That was an epic fail. I hate myself for that. I feel so bad. Why did I fall for that? I know better… the list goes on and on. When these thoughts come to you, it’s time to check in with yourself.
Congratulations! You have joined the ranks of people who know we are not perfect. Welcome to the club. Let me ask you this: Did you set the bar too high or did you set yourself up for failure?
Even when we do our best work and give it 100%, sometimes we fail anyway because it just doesn’t come together. But why feel badly if you gave it 100%?
Because we are taught that the outcome is the only thing that matters, not the process or the experience gained along the way. This is the same reason we focus only on the finish and forget to enjoy the journey. This attitude has now been passed on to an entire generation who wants a fast-forward button so they can avoid the enlightening (and often painful) learning experiences that come from getting better at something.
We are not judged by how well we do, but by how well we get up after failure.
We are appreciated for our idiosyncrasies and we accept them in others. What we remember about another person’s struggle is their will to keep pushing, their attitude of perseverance, and their bravery to be okay with not being perfect.
I screw up. Sometimes I screw up big time. Like the one time when a friend wanted to be a fashion designer and we talked about exhibiting at MAGIC, a huge fashion convention in Las Vegas. I said it was a must for any serious designer. What I meant was that it is a must for any serious designer who is at the point of being able to mass produce big orders with the money and the resources to do so. But I didn’t say that.
My friend paid an obscene amount of money for exhibition space and then realized she had no plan, no booth, no idea how she would manufacture large orders. She lost the money she paid and she blamed me. It ultimately cost me our friendship. It has taken me years to come to terms with my failure and even now I find myself thinking about what I should have said instead. I made a mistake and from it I learned to be much clearer with what I say and how I say it.
As for you, I ask you consider this simple question: What do you think people like most about you? Could that be what makes you unique and interesting? Because if you were perfect, let’s face it, you would be boringly predictable.
At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”
Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.
If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.
