We used to believe masculine women were butch, a little bit scary, wore pant suits and comfortable shoes—they were easy to spot. That surely has changed. I am a masculine alpha woman. I wear high heels, frills, skirts, and like it if my man orders dinner for me. Yet in business, I can be as tough as nails.

Alpha women are rising through the ranks and making things happen in corporate America and in their own businesses. I wrote about this a while ago here. Do we need to discuss the “can-women-have-it-all” question for the umpteenth time? I created a code for women years ago that settles the debate: The Women’s Code. The short answer is Yes.

What defines a masculine woman?

A masculine woman takes charge. She has learned to be fearless, or knows how to overcome her fears. This woman is a go-getter. She doesn’t wait for an invitation to the table, she keeps looking for the one she wants to sit at. Masculine women have ‘recognizable traits’ that were formerly only revered in men. Here are some of them: powerful, intimidating, opinionated, outspoken, strategic, persuasive, ambitious, and effective.

Masculine women have it hard. I know firsthand as a single working mother who had no choice but to make things happen. My ex was a feminine man who didn’t want to step up, and he was soon nowhere to be found. On a daily basis, I alone had to fight for food and a decent place for my daughter to sleep, while always dreaming of a better life. Perhaps you can relate.

Until The Women’s Code, the traditional choices women had were:

  1. Figure out how men do it and go the same path (while trying to remain feminine and attractive to suitors); or
  2. Stay timid and exercise classic female traits (be obedient, put others before yourself, be the peacemaker) and get stuck like so many of us in middle management roles with frozen career paths and menial salaries for the next 30 years.

I can’t stand it. The Women’s Code is here to change all this. The next level of female liberation and equality will be for all of us.

Wanting a career, moving ahead, and being heard require masculine attributes. There is no way around it.

But, let’s face it…

Some of us don’t want to be in charge in all areas of our lives. We want someone who we can depend on. Not because we need to, but because we yearn for a partnership. Masculine women need to figure out how to turn those masculine attributes off at times to let our men do what masculine men usually do—support and protect their wives and children.

While I know this sounds a bit old fashioned and appears at first glance to be a step backward, I have learned the hard way there is no room for two masculine partners in a relationship. That stands true for any type of relationship.

What does this mean for women? It means we want to have a choice of who we want to be at work and who we are at home.

If you’re like me and prefer a masculine man, you might just have to tone down that take-charge attitude at home. That doesn’t mean we have to be mousy or act stupid, it simply means that we step back from being the boss all the time. And really, isn’t it exhausting doing everything anyway?

Try to have some fun with it. As for me, running all areas of my life left me feeling emotionally cut off. Now, I am allowing myself to be nurtured. Wow. It feels amazing. Try it for yourself.

In my next article, I’ll talk about feminine men and what that means for busy women like us. In the meantime, do let me know if you recognize yourself or another woman in this article.

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