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I Am Pondering About…

Even though there are things I know we have no control over, I still get angry at our helplessness.

Just as a quick recap for you, dear reader, a few weeks ago as I was sailing with good friends in the Caribbean, disconnected from the world, I finally decided to log on when we were near a wifi hotspot. The Facebook app on my iPad had a message that said, “Call me when you can.”

The message came from Melissa, the young woman I’ve written about over the last year. And it was the message that I had feared getting while I was vacationing. Before responding to Melissa’s request to phone her, I checked her mother Louella’s Facebook page, and found that she had passed away.

Even though I knew that her passing was inevitable, I wasn’t prepared for it. I doubt that you can ever prepare yourself. I should have done more. I should be doing more now. But, what do I say? Can I be my usual compassionate tough love self or more delicate and along the lines of you will be OK? With the rapidly approaching holidays Melissa and her sisters are surely feeling the loss of their mother in a significant way.

Especially during the quiet time of the year I too, feel my own limitations. I should be doing more but sometimes I am so overwhelmed with my own life, my own problems that I can’t. The mountain of issues to deal with, tasks to accomplish and people to please seems to be growing by the day.

That feeling of helplessness. Can you relate to it? What did you do to get yourself through it?

But back to the story that I started with. Melissa’s mother passed away November 7. Her funeral is long over and it was heart-wrenching watching her three girls sit there at times stone faced, at times sobbing. Louella’s own mother was there, heartbroken. A sweet Japanese lady who was so overwhelmed with grief that she could barely speak. A memory embedded in my mind, reminding me how unjust it is for a parent to see their children depart.

In all of this, there was a silver lining. To my surprise, though it is in sync with what we talk about as part of The Women’s Code, many of Melissa’s girlfriends showed up to support her. I don’t think I ever saw so many teenagers support one another. Crying and uncomfortable and a little awkward like teenagers are, but they were all there. Some 100 of them filled the church.

No matter what anyone will ever say, there is much more support around us than we often think it is. At times it just takes our opening our eyes and seeing what is in front of us. And that dear reader is my message to you for this season. No matter how difficult it may be, no matter what size your family is (in my case this year it’s my daughter and I), no matter how big or small the gifts under your tree will be, there is still so much support around us.

I call them the little gifts of God. It could be someone telling you, as it happened to me today, that you look great although I was having a terrible self-image day. It can be that a smile, a wave, a gesture that will let you know with absolute certainty that you are supported.

Will you please share your little gifts of God? In which way have you gotten a message that gave you that feeling of comfort and support recently?

With many blessings.

Your Coach,

Beate

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