Set a time limit for when you will put a stop to negative thoughts and allow yourself to flourish again.

By Beate Chelette

You will find that I like acronyms and tools. It’s easier to remember something if we can build a bridge in our minds. We are talking about K.A.R.L. which stands for Know, Accept, Relax, Live.

In this article I’d like to take a closer look at an often overlooked yet pleasant side effect of acceptance. As the mother of 19-year-old on the cusp of stepping into womanhood, I witness first hand how the conspiracy theory can throw some unexpected wrenches in your path.

Energetically the process is simple. What you put out you will get back. If you expect bumps there will be plenty. If you expect difficulties and rejection your path will be full of it. The universe is here to agree with you. To ACCEPT what you are putting out. If you, like my daughter, struggle perhaps a little too much with what life throws at you here are three ideas to help you disconnect from negativity. Let’s face it. Tough situations come along in life and a dark cloud sometimes descends over us. It happens to the best of us and at times life just isn’t fair. But while we can’t change what has already happened we can choose how we react.

Truly accepting a situation in your life, be it personal or professional, will keep your emotions in check. At first it’s okay to get upset over something, and it’s okay now and then to have days when you throw yourself a pity party.

Idea 1

When you fall into your personal black hole, allow your thoughts to exist, acknowledge them, thank them, don’t fight them – and know they will pass. Offer no resistance; let your thoughts go right through you and realize that tomorrow will be better. Don’t spend so much time attaching emotions to your issues. Tomorrow you may be able to see that “this too, shall pass.” — Jewish proverb

A core principle of The Women’s Code is acceptance and knowing how to counteract self-destructive behavior so you will attract a different type of energy. If you’re beating yourself up over the perceived negatives in your life, make a real and conscious effort to remind yourself of the other side of the coin. For example if you say to yourself, “my hips are way too big,” or “I don’t make as much money as she does,” you can refocus that negative thinking by forcing a positive follow-up thought, such as “my hair is awesome” and “my work product is great, the money will follow.”

Think of a time in your life, in the past or recently, when you urged yourself to “get over it,” or told yourself that the situation was only temporary. Have you had such moments? How did you overcome them? Here’s what Oprah says about unhooking from negativity.

Idea 2

Time limit on negativity

It’s helpful to set a time limit for when you will put a stop to negative thoughts and allow yourself to feel better again. I’ve noticed that I pick fights and get grumpy and whiny when I get PMS. I’ve learned to accept that this is a reoccurring phenomenon and so I make an effort to remind myself that my body image will be better in a few days. Remember that what happens in your life is part of a phase or rhythm, and leave it at that. If a specific issue is driving you crazy, how about setting a time limit to stop fussing about it by, say, tomorrow morning at 7 a.m.? Then, let it go.

Setting time limits for your negative thoughts might be hard for you. It’s entirely possible that you can’t believe that your situation will improve within the time frame you’ve set. One reason might be that you know you’re not being realistic with your time frame. You’ll know instinctively what is realistic and what is unachievable.

Once you give yourself the time you need to succeed in achieving your own set of benchmarks, you’ll find that making it happen feels pretty good. If you’re still having trouble, then you’ll need to double up on your efforts to accept the things that are fabulous about you, things that people around you compliment you on.

Is this all there is? No, of course not.

Idea 3

Still having a hard time overcoming those negative thoughts? You can do what I did and refuse to think that this is all there is. This works exceptionally well for stubborn people such as myself. Thoughts such as, “is that all there is?” and “there has to be something better” are pretty powerful as well. Eventually the universe will agree with you and give you something better.

While it might sound trite, this works: try to focus on the positive aspects of your life—the glass is half full idea–and think about healing and improvement. Make a conscious effort not to dwell on negative thoughts whenever you catch yourself thinking one. This is how you get unstuck and move forward in your life.

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