Do men and women deal with disappointments differently? If so, what are those differences, and why? Is one way better than the other?
During an interview about the presidential election with two of my favorite hosts in Texas, Leland, said that no matter the result of the election, many people will be disappointed. How will you feel if your candidate doesn’t win?
We Have Four Choices
We all have to face stuff that goes wrong. And when it does, we have these options:
- Say, “Such is life.” We search for and learn the lesson and move on.
- Pretend it didn’t happen. I do not acknowledge it, therefore it didn’t happen.
- Let it define and beat us and use it as a reason to stay down. If it’s a hard blow, why not?
- It wasn’t our fault, so we blame and possibly attack other people. They had it coming, after all.
How Do Politicians Deal With It?
When looking at the election it’s pretty clear where Trump stands. The man fights back tweet by meticulous tweet. No insult or question is left unanswered. He retorts with an even bigger insult or an outrageous statement. Why? Because he is a winner and all others are losers.
Trump and associates provide great examples of b) above. They ignore and deny, like during a hilarious interview where Brianna Keilar interviewed Trump Organization lawyer Michael Cohen about sinking poll numbers. Cohen dodged the question multiple times by asking, “Which polls?” Visibly flabbergasted, the reporter responded, “ALL of them.” Cohen continued to ignore the question and then had the gall to ask her to remind him of the question again. Ridiculous. This is a classic diversion tactic. Shouldn’t it be troubling that Trump’s primary tactic is to perpetuate his own point of view, even when he’s in the wrong?
How Do Women Deal With It?
Hillary Clinton deals with disappointments slightly differently. I am on her email list and let’s just say there is a lot of blaming Trump. Unfortunately (and as a woman, I don’t say this lightly) many of us blame others first. This is what you made me do.
Personally, I believe this is a result of our being raised to fulfill some sort of standard of perfection. Remember that “a good girl acts like this” education? Many of us suffer from low self-esteem because we have never been able to (and probably never will) live up to the Superhuman Paradox that I describe in my book Happy Woman Happy World. Therefore, we must create alternative blame scenarios or we go crazy with guilt. We divert it back from us onto them.
It is interesting that in the United States many politicians get a free pass when the media lays the issue aside with a “we-all-make-mistakes” response. Yet, Clinton doesn’t get this favor. In contrast, when Trump issued a vague apology to nobody about nothing in specific, the media searched for the reason why in order to make sense of it. We seem to be unforgiving of anything Clinton does while accepting Trump wholly with all his flaws.
We do have a double standard when it comes to men and women. Society does not want to forgive women, period.
A memorable moment in this campaign was when Sanders told Clinton he was tired of hearing about her emails and she responded with, “Me too!” We instantly liked her so much more because she owned it and signaled that it’s time to move on. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it.”
Women Have To Be Qualified AND Likable
Taking the highroad is a very touchy issue for women. If you never learn to speak up for yourself and you internalize the issues, aren’t you really just taking a dive for the sake of self-preservation? I battle with this myself. Some fights are important and worth our energy. But, not every battle is worth fighting and not every battle can be won. So before we take the highroad a moment of internal reflection is necessary. Are we just rolling over? What is the highroad in this specific situation, and does it behoove us to take it?
The Phenomenon of The Witch Hunt
We are dealing with a present-day witch hunt. “Lock her up!” Women are wrong no matter how we respond.
For Hillary Clinton, some of Trump’s assaults are so nonsensical that addressing them is futile. However, so many of his claims are fabricated and untrue and NEED to be debunked because there are people who want to believe everything he says.
What differentiates women from men and how we deal with disappointments is that in the end, women still need to be liked. When we go out swinging we are called raging bitches.
Men, on the other hand, lead on P.S.P. and being in power does not necessarily equate with being liked. They are respected anyway. We see this all the time with male bosses at our jobs. I am in power; therefore what I say is right.
Ultimately, women need to overcome the Good Girl syndrome and learn that some battles need to be fought—and hard. It’s okay to win, ladies.
At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”
Through her corporate initiative “Why Acting Like a Girl Is Good For Business” she helps companies with gender diversification training, and to develop and retain women.
If you’d like to book Beate as a speaker on New Leadership Balance or Creative Entrepreneurship for your next event please connect with me.