HEAR BEATE’s KEYNOTE IN LOS ANGELES May 17, NFTE 6 pm

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“Circumstances don’t define me, I define my circumstances.” ~Beate Chelette

In my recent article about masculine (alpha) women, I described how women can get caught between needing to be tough and sharp at work, and soft and nurturing at home.

Some of the responses revealed just how many women are exasperated by having one more thing that is “wrong” with us. As one reader pointed out, “Can’t we just be who we are?”

The answer is yes, of course.

I want to be very, very clear that my position on this is simple. You can be anything and anyone you want to be. What I merely suggest is that you know what that is.

But consider this—awareness, elevated consciousness, or simple strategies can help you get what you want, and where you want to go, much faster. We are in charge of our lives and we control who we want to be. Yet, there are certain truths that make our lives easier, whether we want to believe they are true or not. The woman-man strategies I recommend are much like that.

Ideally, we have all developed our male/female attributes equally. We are aligned, in sync, and our yin-yang couldn’t be better. According to most spiritual teachings, that is the state of perfect balance. If only that were how we really lived!

The reality is that gender roles, responsibilities, and what was once predictable, are upside-down. Many women want more than to be mothers. And men, to their credit, want to support us and our careers, and enjoy empowered and smart women. That is, until women challenged the male status quo.

Alpha women (and I may just be the club president) want to run all aspects of our lives like an alpha. We can be perceived as helicoptering, controlling, and smothering. If you are an alpha (masculine) woman who likes to take charge, but are with an alpha man who also wants to be the boss, it can put you on a collision course. A ship can have only one captain, a plane only one pilot, a car only one driver…you get the idea.

A man who wants you to take charge embraces the feminine aspects because he, like you, feels more comfortable in a gender reversal role. If that is what you want—fantastic! But if you’re like me and feel confused by men who say they like smart women, but then really don’t, consider if too much alpha can be the issue between you.

The best of both worlds is when we are all in touch with our masculine and feminine sides and know when to ask for help, or when it is time to be charge and get stuff done. But until we get that balance in place, maybe letting your guard down and allowing someone else to step up (even if you could do it better yourself) would be more fun! A little playfulness is sometimes all that’s needed to get ourselves back into balance.

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