I realize this is a recurring theme with me lately: to accept or not the situation that life puts us in, especially given the travails of my friends Melissa and her mother, who’s fighting a losing battle with cancer and wishes the best for her daughter.
I’m back and forth between visits and my recuperation from visits. Back at the hospital visiting Melissa’s mother, back at home wondering how to process it all. Forgive me if I appear to judge. I don’t know if it’s actually being judgmental or not – Melissa’s mom doesn’t seem to accept her situation, and I don’t know if it’s my place to tell her what she doesn’t want to here. It’s a battle that can’t be won and I want to help. Yet this battle is not mine to fight nor even mine to bring up. My role – if I even have one – is to support her. Nothing else. That’s what The Women’s Code is all about: Empowering women and supporting them in their own choices.
Melissa actually came onto a coaching call I made for The Women’s Code. That girl is remarkable – she doesn’t even know how strong she is. She has such beauty inside, and has made her peace with what’s been going on with her mother.
As always, her strength shone through. Her attitude led all the women on the call to reflect. An outpouring of love and support that Melissa drinks from, which has helped her grow tremendously.
We went for dinner to a nice restaurant in my neighborhood. Melissa wondered out loud why I even would do such a thing for her. I told her that I want to show her that there is an entire other world out there that is hers for the taking. She nods, beginning to understand, and begins to enjoy her curry. She relaxed and began to tell me about her ideas for a business to raise money for cancer.
For the first time I saw who she was going to be. Emerging out of this teen was a person I hadn’t seen before. What beauty, what strength, what power. It puts me in tears, still, just thinking about it.
Finally I had a moment where I looked at her grinning ear to ear inside – she will be okay!
The next day I visited Melissa’s mom wondering if this would be the time where I would make her feel what I felt, that perhaps it will be easier for her to let go.
When I entered, the grandparents were in the room as was the hospice volunteer. I told Melissa’s mom everything I talked about the night before and everything I felt. Her tears come, first slowly, then in a rush of emotion. She looked at me and says that her ex pretty much accepted that Melissa would be in a red T-Shirt working at Target and not go to college. He’d written off her future.
But that won’t be the case.
An amazing couple, Brian and Genessy Safdari from College Planning Experts, have stepped forward. They will take on the planning of Melissa’s college education — pro bono. I will share the journey with you once it begins in a few weeks.
When I told this to Melissa’s mother she finally relaxed, hearing that her daughter has been given a chance for further education, a brighter future.
“Emotionally charged” is what might describe my life best.
Let me know how you may relate to what’s going on in my life right now, and how you yourself have handled such intense moments.