Know means being honest with yourself, taking responsibility for your life.You’re where you are today because of the decisions you have made. Certainly, these decisions were based on the circumstances of your life as you saw them at the time, but nevertheless, your decisions are what got you to this point. Don’t judge, just observe. Know. The secret to taking stock of what is, of acting responsibly for yourself, of assessing where you are. Begin by taking a look at what you do and say. Be honest with yourself.
For example, take Nancy, a psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist who lives and works in Los Angeles, helped avoid a legal dispute because she came to know. She accepted responsibility. Nancy had started a business with a friend. After a dispute, Nancy received a letter from her friend and associate’s attorney in which she was informed that the friend would be taking legal action against her. Nancy was flummoxed. After a few hours of reflection, she decided to pick up the phone and call her friend. She stated in simple “I” language: “I feel really betrayed and hurt that after five years of friendship and professional association, you did not give me the dignity of a phone call, but instead I receive a letter from your attorney.” As a result, her associate apologized and dropped legal action. They worked out their differences together. Amazing. And Nancy isn’t the only one who’s benefited from this.
Your second action is to Accept. That means, what has happened up to this point means something. So, all of your accomplishments, career to relationships, are important. Don’t put your past down – simply accept it for what it was: Your life. The experiences that have made you you, include everything. You would not be who you are, the perfect you that you are, if you had not had these experiences. Accept.
For me personally, that means almost the opposite of refusal. In my darkest moments, I refused to accept what I could not imagine my reality to be. That was all I had the strength to do. Over time, I have learned that I have an easier time accepting what is when I know, either by having gained the strength or the knowledge, that I can do something about it. I call that my conditional acceptance, or gradual acceptance. So to get to acceptance you might have to figure out what “acceptance” means in your own reality.
Accepting means you understand that your life, your current situation, good or bad, is simply just what it is. It has changed before and it will change again, many times for the better, and sometimes for the worse. Even if things are bad now, they will be better again!
Third, Relax. Sure, life could be better, but it could be a lot worse. More than likely, you’re fortunate enough never to have suffered a natural disaster or lost your possessions. People who have survived major disasters consider themselves blessed merely because they have survived. Never mind stuff! It’s life that is important. Remind yourself consciously that you have it pretty good. You got to where you are in one piece. Be proud of that – think about what you’ve overcome and mastered entirely on your own. Only one thing’s certain; your life will continue to change. Relax.
Remember how you thought the heartache of your first breakup would never go away? But it did, and you fell in love again. Yet, your heart was broken again, and it didn’t hurt any less this time. When it happened to me, my brother was not there to make it all better. Since that first heartbreak, I’ve lost track of how many times my heart has been broken, or I’ve been disappointed by a man. What I have learned is that not everyone is right for me, and some people only walk with you and share your life for a period of time. Regardless, we learn to move through our pain and finally get on with our lives.
Finally, Live. Remind yourself where you are today. You have family and friends who care deeply about you…no matter what your circumstances are. Life, in essence, is good. Find the positive, half-full side of everything you do. Your life is an uphill/downhill journey. Be in the moment more and enjoy your journey, responsibly. Live. Living in this world is about recognizing that you get to move on. Even the worst of times eventually comes to an end, so make the most out of today. Life is in ongoing motion. What bothers you today might not be an issue again tomorrow; you could have misunderstood, misinterpreted, or just been wrong. Something you anticipated with dread might never have occurred, or your worst-case scenario wasn’t so bad after all. Over time, your wounds heal, pain goes away, and only good memories remain with us.
I’ve written a lot about this, and I’ve put together a series of products and services— and exercises — to help you learn to trust your friend K.A.R.L. Let’s do this together.