Ready Or Not, Who Are You Going To Be?

November 8, 2011 By

These days dying and death seem to be coming around quite a bit in my life. Last week I heard that a dear friend’s husband, drummer Paulo Mattioli, has passed away. He died of brain cancer. This comes on top of Melissa’s mom, whose situation I have been writing to you about.

My friend Ninaya shared with me that Paulo was ready to go. He had always been very spiritual, unafraid of what would come after life. He had a strong presence, and one of the most amazing and welcoming smiles I’ve ever encountered.

It’s been said that the year 2012 is when we are nearing the end of the world. Dark predictions have been made. Others say that just because the Mayan culture died out before they could extend their calendar the world most certainly won’t come to an end.

Personally I believe that we are seeing major shifts in the way people think and feel. From protests on Wall Street to our planet being shaken in every corner, something is going on.

I remember the feeling I had during the big 1994 Los Angeles earthquake: it was as if someone had taken you by the shoulders and shaken you violently back and forth, as if to say: Wake up, wake up!

Back then I actually did wake up and made some major changes in my life.

Ready or not, the world continues to change. The white alpha-male-dominated world is not working as it used to. New leaders are stepping up. Social media has leveled the playing field. A simple idea such as the TED conference (for technology, entertainment, design), has brought forward an incredible number of thought leaders. Google has given us the ability to fact-check just about anything.

Our tribes and communities become a more important part of who we are. Finding others who are like us, who believe in similar things, has to be one of the most liberating circumstances in life. Just yesterday I watched a 60 Minutes segment in which autistic children used iPad programs that gave them a voice they didn’t have before. The systematic and consistent approach from a computer program offered them the security, comfort and even a joy to communicate.

This explosion of new ideas, thought leaders, new processes and devices is what is making old ideas obsolete. No longer can we function simply as individuals: we need to belong to a larger group. Social, social media, a more social me.

Ready or not, here it comes, the new you. Who are you going to be?

Filed Under: Discover

Using Big Words. Forgivness

November 5, 2011 By

We are in week five of The Women’s Code Inner Circle launch. The 25 women who have accepted my personal invitation to be part of this launch are making their way through the course material each and every week.

One thing I’d like to talk about here is the concept of forgiveness.

A big word. An easy word.

In the words of one of the attendees at the Women’s Code Conference whom I gotten to know, the reality is that it’s not easy to forgive.

And there are several level of forgiveness.

When your child makes a mistake and says he or she is sorry – it’s forgiven in a minute. We know they don’t know any better, so we teach them.  When your teenager makes a mistake – it get’s a little harder, but we try.  When teenagers purposely disobey rules, and can cause serious damage to themselves or others, forgiveness is more difficult.

Now if an adult such as your partner, boss or colleague makes a mistake – this is an entirely different story.  Often this isn’t so much anymore about things that this person did as often as it is about what this person did not do. These people weren’t there, or didn’t listen or didn’t get a chance to explain their sides of the story.

What matters is who did what and how big that thing was. Our heart has an investment in our personal relationships. When something goes wrong – it usually affects you more deeply than you might have originally let on.

Honor yourself. Don’t say something is okay when it isn’t. Be honest about your feelings and speak your truth. If you are not ready to forgive I suggest to do a simple exercise such as one we do The Women’s Code Online course:

Think about the person who has wronged you. Write down what this person did and why it upsets you. Sit in front of the mirror and read aloud what you’ve written. After you have finished telling this person how you feel about what he or she has done, look in the mirror.

Say: “on behalf of (other person’s name) I ask you (your name) for forgiveness.”

Next say, “I forgive you and release you.”

Simple exercises like this raise awareness within yourself as to what is holding you back. That is why you want to forgive. Forgiveness releases the power that this negative experience has over you.

Let me know how this works for you. If you have other ideas that you’d like to share about forgiveness please share them with us.

Filed Under: Women's Choices

What Are the Right Words to Say?

November 1, 2011 By

This past weekend things seemed to be coming to a head. I got several texts from Melissa, a 16-year old teenager I’ve taken under my wing.

The texts said:

  • “She has 2 days.”
  • “She (mom) is not doing well, I’m not doing well, it’s all happening – too much, I just don’t want to put any effort in anything.”
  • “I know f*&# my life.”

With her mother fighting for a day at a time the burden that is wearing on Melissa is wearing on her. This sounded dire.
A few hours later I got several calls from Debbie, a friend of Melissa’s mom who arrived from Phoenix to handle some of her friend’s affairs. In addition, Melissa’s grandparents were checking on their daughter and granddaughters. Everything appeared to be pointing to one thing: This may be the time of departure for Melissa’s mom.
I went to the hospital and packed a book of stories on angels and Marianne Williamson’s Illuminata, my favorite prayer book. I was prepared to face what appeared to be the inevitable, the last time I might see this person.
This wasn’t necessarily so. As my dear friend Dr. Marilyn Joyce once said (echoing Yogi Berra), it’s not over until it is over. Melissa’s mom was nowhere near giving up or letting go.
When I sit with her, I read to her and pray, both aloud and quietly to myself. I’m not sure what Melissa’s mother can hear, but I believe that of all the faculties, hearing is the last to go. It still surprises me how quickly she wakes when someone enters her room.
During our few minutes together, I reiterate my promise to her that I will keep an eye on Melissa. She thanks me. I ask her whether she’s thought of what will come after all this for her. Her answer throws me for a loop: Melissa’s mom shakes her head and adamantly says “no.”
I realize that she is not ready. I wonder if she hasn’t yet made peace with her situation. The only other person I saw die without being at peace was my own grandmother. I found it scary to watch, unsettling and even dark. I worry.
It could be, however, that her doctors and everyone else are wrong in their prognosis. That Melissa’s mother is not where they think she is – at end of the road.
I ask if she worries about her daughters. She nods. Suddenly the mood softens and I see a tear rolling down her cheek.

One thing is clear to me. This woman is willing herself to live. She will fight for every single day that she has.
Suddenly I feel uneasy and out of place. I don’t know what to say or do. Should I pray for a miracle? It seems an unlikely event. Would I rob her of her belief she can get better if I believe that her condition is terminal? What can I really safely talk to her about without upsetting her? In short I didn’t know how to support her and I feel terrible about that.
Has this happened to you? Have you been at a loss for words in a difficult and delicate situation? Let me know if you have any advice for me.

Filed Under: Family & Friends

Making Better Choices

September 13, 2011 By

As I am writing this I can’t help but I am shaking my head. Just today I found out from Melissa during lunch that her father had cancer after they separated and her mom let him live in her house and helped him through. Not quite what is happening the other way around at this moment.

I spent a delightful lunch hour with Melissa and I proudly report that she is starting to turn the corner. For the very first time I heard her tell me that someone offered her drugs and instead of being upset of not being able to say no this time it was different. Melissa had gone on a YMCA trip for 10 days and the camp counselors and other teenagers were so supportive that she decided for herself that she was going to stay away from the hard stuff. She got upset at her friend for not accepting a choice she had made after she had clearly stated that she is not doing “that” anymore.

I held my breath as I was hearing the story and when I got that it wasn’t about not being able to say no but about being angry not to have ones choice be respected I had the biggest grin on my face. Go girl!

Amazing sometimes how things are changing in a matter of only a few weeks.

On the make-up courses for her high school diploma we are facing a few bumps. Algebra is a challenging and we are making our way through the course very slowly. We thought we signed up for the only Algebra course there is but this one may not be Algebra 1 but Algebra 2. I have to straighten this out next week.

We are $65 short to sign her up for the second makeup class. This one will be English and after that we are going for History. If you are compelled to invest a few or a lot of dollars into Melissa’s future please go here and help her out with what is comfortable for you. Here is where you can go to help.

I fully believe that we will be receiving the funds needed to make up all 8 classes. The goal is to see Melissa graduate high school. Because I promised her mom.

What is an instance where you realized that you had made a better choice but the people around you didn’t believe it. How did you react and how did you pull through without giving into the temptation? Did you get angry like Melissa at others who didn’t believe that you had changed?

Your coach Beate

Filed Under: Family & Friends Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

What’s going on with Melissa?

September 6, 2011 By

Even as I write this I have to take a deep breath and sadness overcomes me. It has been heartbreaking to watch.

You may remember Melissa (not her real name to protect her identity) attended The Women’s Code Conference . She stole the hearts of the audience by candidly sharing what was going on in her life. Her mother is losing her 5th bout with cancer and her family is torn apart by a divorce. Her father has moved on to a new relationship and his soon to be ex-wife a terminally ill woman of 3 daughters ages 11, 14 and 16 has to figure this out on her on.

Melissa is angry, sad and sometimes I think that she is so overwhelmed by the emotional burden that she doesn’t really know what she feels. The illness of her mother has defined her entire teenage year. All she wants is to be able to be a normal teenager. Something that cancer has stolen from her. Her anger can’t be directed at anything so she turns it against herself.

Her choices are still a little shaky. She just doesn’t have enough support and strength. She is after all only 16. But she is growing up fast. She knows that her mother ‘will be gone.’

The doctors send her mom home and told her to get her affairs in order. She may have only until the end of this summer. I went to see her a few times and she is thin, frail, and on an IV unable to consume any type of food. It’s been like this for months.

I get angry. I want to do something. I want to challenge something to a fight. But there is no fight and it’s not even my fight. So I watch and observe and offer to be there if and when needed.

This story will not have a happy ending I fear. I have taken on one fight though. I promised Melissa’s mom I will do what I can to get her daughter to graduate high school. We successfully enrolled Melissa into her first online make-up class (Algebra) and are $65 short in fundraising to enrolling her in her next make-up class English. If you feel you can and want to contribute to her fund, you can contribute whatever amount feels comfortable to you right here.

We are hard pressed to accept the will of a higher power that renders us powerless in the face of a catastrophe or a terminal illness. From the many responses I have received after I posted several video’s of my dear friend Dagmar who passed away from cancer in 2009 all I can tell you is this. We must remain a sense of normalcy and stay with our friends through these times. If you see someone who is facing a crisis, send a note, make a call or grab some food and hang out with them just because your company gives comfort.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kellqgm03s0[/youtube]

What have you done that created comfort for someone facing a tragedy? Please share your thoughts with us.

Your coach

Beate

Filed Under: Family & Friends, Video Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

How To Stop Feeling Guilty | When You Can't Give Your Kids What They Want

August 31, 2011 By

This situation is all too familiar to all of us. We want to give our children the very best. But life isn’t always playing along. More often than not we have to say no. Here are a few ideas how to tweak your mindset and what you can do to stop feeling guilty.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPBEqNxkgIM[/youtube]

Filed Under: Video

The Womens Code Online Course Is Ready!

August 31, 2011 By

See, I am keeping my promises. I wanted to stay in touch with you a little more frequent and update you about what we are working on over here.

The website has been coming along nicely. We have cleaned house all around. The website is doing what it should and doesn’t crash on us any longer. Hooray!

When you visit  BeateChelette.com you’ll see that we’re changing a lot of the content on the site. We’re adding videos from the conference, along with selected interviews. you will see that we are changing a lot of the content on the site. We are adding a number of videos from the conference along with interview snippets. Go check it out. I especially love listening to the women who went to The Women’s Code Conference.  Can you tell what an impact two days had on our attendees?

The Women’s Code Online Course is edited and ready to go up online. Our programmers are working overtime and are building our new Membership Hub.

The fall launch is in major preparation mode. I am very excited to FINALLY being able to show you what we did. After months of editing and creating blueprints and exercises I am very happy with the final product. Have you ever recorded your voice? Do you remember what it is like to listen to yourself talking? Remember how strange and often uncomfortable it is when you hear yourself?

I am no different. When I first saw and heard myself I thought I sounded awful.  Now that I spent a good 100 hours with the materials I recanted my first impression of myself! During a coaching session with my coach I told him that I believe in the course. It will help many women to identify what they need to get that last piece of the puzzle in order that will bring their lives together.

What have you come across that at first felt like it wasn’t up to par that later you realized was one of your best accomplishments?

Keep me posted,

Your coach

Beate

Filed Under: Discover Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Are you enjoying your summer?

August 29, 2011 By

There are a lot of good news to be shared.

It’s been a great summer. On the right you see me with Presley, my nieces entertaining daughter playing at Dockweiler Beach in Los Angeles. This was a shoot with amazing photographer and coaching client Dorit Thies for the upcoming launch of Venusstock. What can be better then helping two clients while hanging out with my family?

Finally things are moving ahead again with The Women’s Code. For the last two months it’s been challenge after challenge. You may remember hearing me say that I am that person that you hear about that ‘it’ has happened to. It has occurred yet again.

We were facing massive delays as my website was under a malicious hacker attack for a consecutive two months! At one point one of the programmers who was working on the problem told me that we were attacked while he was watching.  After many attempts to fix the issues we had no choice but to move to a different host. To this day it is unclear if we were personally targeted or if it was a robot that had attacked the host.

In addition to the fallout we had to find a new set of programmers and web designers. Finally the site is being worked on and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it is smooth sailing from here on. Mercury is just getting out of retrograde for a little while longer so there may be a hiccup here and there but for the most part the worst seems behind us.

I do remember these moments very well. Before you get to be successful it is God or the Universe or the powers that there are (depending on what you believe in) that ask you one final time. “Do you want this?” And you say yes and the answer is “prove it.” Only for everything to fall apart, be thoroughly tested and often at a great financial expense.

Do you recall an instance like this in your own life? Do you recall how difficult it was and how exhilarated you were when you came out on the other side? What have you been facing that is finally coming into fruition? Doesn’t it feel great when you managed these obstacles successfully?

So what is the good news that I was referring to? Aside from being live again we are making significant changes on the website. First it is the usual stuff, video’s and new pages etc, but one of the changes will be my first major give-away. We decided that The Women’s Code is so important to all women (and men) around the globe that we will be offering an entire session about it for free! Yes, you heard that right.

We are building the site for the big giveaway right now and I will be making more details available soon.

You’ll be hearing from me soon again and please keep me abreast of what is going on in your lives.

Your coach,

Beate

Filed Under: Family & Friends Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Women's Code Success Principles, Being on an Even Keel and, Finally, Having It All!

June 23, 2011 By

“There are a million ways to be successful – you only need to find one: yours.” ~ Beate Chelette

Everything that is important to you can and will coexist at the same time. Perfect, imperfect, it doesn’t matter. It’s the state of mind you achieve that becomes most important.

Ego-RHYTHM™ as a concept simply helps you to do what you already do, but to do it better. It gives you the tools and concepts to achieve your goals, and encourages you to acquire the skill sets that you need to get to those goals.

Remember the red dot on the map at the mall that says, “You are here?” Follow the ideas I have outlined for you in these blog postings and you’ll have a pretty good idea of where you are at any given moment. Knowing where you are is critical to devising a plan to getting where you want to be.

Ego-RHYTHMs™ are my way of helping you understand where you are in relation to where you want to be in life. Using the concepts I have taught you, you can check and make sure you are still on track and following the path that will lead you to where you want to be.

Having it all is the graduation ceremony of your life. Only if you know what it feels like to have failed a few tests, maybe take a class again, will you be able to enjoy your own graduation commencement into the life you’ve worked so hard to achieve. Endless hours of studying, learning, sitting through things that you may not be not interested in, and listening to others who may or may not have truly inspired you — without the graduation it all means nothing. Having it all is just like that: It’s the culmination of your hard work that brings you to the point of where you get to enjoy what you have done because you know how hard it was to fulfill all the requirements of your classes (rhythms).

Having it all it is a process, and it takes time. Admittedly, the most difficult years are the ones where you have small children, when you work on your career, and you strive to be in a fulfilling relationship. As you get practice in each of these categories, and you get better in each of these areas, they do get easier. I found my 30s to be my toughest years. Now that I’m in my 40s, things have calmed down. My life now seems to be a little bit more predictable, less stressful, and more well-rounded. Now, there’s more time for me.

It is time for me to thank you. I want to thank you so very much for the time you invested in reading and evaluating these blogs and my methods and concepts. I am proud and grateful that you’ve stuck with me, and I sincerely hope that you will implement what applies to your life and what makes sense to you.

If you still haven’t done any of the exercises I’ve outlined, you can go to my website, www.WomenWhoWantItAll.com and download your free want-it-all list.  Fill it out and post it somewhere where you’ll have no choice but to look at it. You owe yourself at least this much. Take the very first step. I want you to walk away from this experience with one tangible item in your hand that puts you, too, on the path of having it all.

Having it all is personal. I wish you good luck and the wisdom to find your way and the strength to stay the course.

Filed Under: Women's Choices Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Women's Code on Practice, Discipline and Sacrifice on the Way to Having it All

June 22, 2011 By

“Adversity doth best discover virtue.” ~ Bacon

I’ve learned that the times I was not in control are when I thought that life simply happened and that the events that took place in my life were not the result of my own choice.

I could have found employment and pocketed a paycheck, but I did not. I must have wanted and needed to have these experiences and push the envelope. While I wasn’t always able to think clearly about each experience as I went through it, ultimately I chose to accept all that came with it — the good, the bad and the ugly. I get the blues, get into arguments, and have doubts that make me wonder if where I am going is the right path in addition to all the other stuff – the same that you have, too in various degrees. My days are too short, I could work out more, ugh — a new wrinkle, my roots show…you know what I mean.

But these things become somewhat irrelevant over time. Maybe you begin to realize that nobody was that interested in you, anyway; people are too busy with their own lives to be obsessing over your petty concerns. It’s important to remind yourself that everyone has the same concerns, no matter how successful, happy, or rich they might be.

To get to the point where you truly get to have it all it takes time, practice and discipline. It’s also going to require a few sacrifices along the way. If you want to add a fantastic career to your have-it-all list of accomplished goals then you have to put time and effort into getting it. If you want a supportive network of friends and family, then you’ll have to do what it takes to maintain such a network.

To be successful in anything in life, you have to put forth a suitable amount of time and effort. Just as important, you need to do well so you can feel good about yourself. Accomplishments make you feel good, while dreams and wishes are just ideas. While ideas are great, you can’t do anything with them until you take these ideas and bring them into reality. Changing ideas into accomplishments gets easier once you’ve had enough practice.  It is about gaining experience and living consciously. The earlier you begin practicing these principles, the faster you get to the having-it-all point. It will all have been worth it.

At this point, we’ve been through a lot together. I hope you’ve made lists, taken stock of where you are, and made some changes. Tell me – how has your progress been so far? I’d love to hear about your path. Thanks for sharing!

 

Filed Under: Women's Choices Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »